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Are The Beatles Saving Their Country?

Teen Talk Magazine, March 1965

Say what you will about the Beatles -- the near riots their appearance triggers, the hysteria of their follwers, their incredible mops of hair, the fact remains they've become an international institution. And let's not quibble about it and give credit where credit is due. They have conducted themeselves with dignity and good taste in music at all times. They have directed the energies and enthusiasm of teenagers into channels that don't break any laws (most of the time.) What's wrong with going wild at a Beatles concert? Isn't that better than letting off steam on the streets where there are no Beatles?

And speaking of credit, that's one department in which the Liverpool group really shine. Money. When they make it, everybody makes it. That is everybody who is involved with them in any way. Holding out the big hand to get some of the profits is England, native land of the singers.

3 BILLION DOLLARS IN DEBT

The National Institute of Economic and Social Research in London has come up with the report that Britain is 3 billion dollars in the red. That'll buy a lot of albums. Santa Claus doesn't drop that kind of coin into stockings that hang over the fireplace, But this is one fairy tale with a happy ending.

You guessed it. There really is a Santa Claus. It's spelled B-E-A-T-L-E-S.

To be really accurate though, the name is spelled SELTAEB -- Beatles spelled backwards.

SELTAEB is an organizing specifically set up to and organized with a whole army of accountants, financiers and economists to make sure that Paul, John, Ringo, and George get all that's coming to them. Dollars we're talking about. Cash. The idea is what's good for the boys is good for the country. That's for sure.

A BRITISH AGENT?

There's a rumor that SELTAEB is an agent of the British Treasury. No, it isn't true that Ringo is being groomed for Prime Minister.

Anyway, the Beatles haul is being watched with the head movements of spectators at a tennis match. "keep a sharp eye on the box office at all times." is the slogan of the day.

How much money does it all add up to?

Nobody knows for sure. The British Embassy say, "no comment." The U.S. Treasury cries itself asleep every night wathing the green stuff roll by. If only America had somebody like the B - - - . Forget it? Maybe?

People on the inside, estimate the transatlantic income during the current year at over 10 million dollars. This is not just a guess. It's pretty close to fact.

Our Department of Commerce has a full staff on duty all day and all night and the adding machines are working overtime with replacements waiting in the wings.A new heading is being captioned on the balance of payment sheets. It is called "unrecorded" transaction.

"A freak, a windfall that is seasonal" say some of the forecasters and soothsayers. Maybe. But not quite.

The experts, the boys who read the lines and between the lines disagree for a number of reasons. This is solid, continuing money, they say.

The Beatles industry is here to stay many think because the Beatles fans will grow up. It is generally accepted that the group's biggest audience are girls 10 to 14 years old. Our own survery would make it 10 to 16. As the girls grow older, their spending allowance will get bigger. That means more money for Britain.

Also, a point nobody will agrue, the British quartet has a monopoly, a clear field. There is no U.S. or any other foreign competition in sales and receipts, that is.

American girls have shrieked it loud and clear -- American boys, or Germans, or Italiansor Greeks -- can't take their dollars in the same way.

Any attempt to belittle the Beatles contribution to international finances will face a strong agrument from the men who think in terms of millions. Their theory is "every million dollars counts."

Back an the Isles, the British are keeping Aladdin's Lamp burning quiet and conerative, but in money matters, they're very sharp gear and fab.They don't believe in quitting while they're ahead. Just the opposite when you got a good thing going don't knock it.

That's why they have bought up two second teams of "balance of payment commandos "Waiting offstage to over if the Beatles stumble are the Dave Clark Five and The Animals.

The only trouble is -- how do you spell Dave Clark Five backwards?